All Aboard the Potty Train

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It’s 9:00 AM.  I’m at
my desk, working, and my husband calls me. “I’m giving up on potty training,” he says wearily.  I can’t suppress a snort of laughter.  “Aha, he understands!” I think tomyself.  I also can’t help but feel a
tiny bit of vindication.  Yesterday I too made a valiant attempt at taming the two-year-old, and I too went through the same cycle of perky optimism, stubborn denial, disbelieving exasperation, and
finally, a numb resignation.  How can someone so tiny make us run the full gamut of human emotion in the span of one single day?

Our daughter will be three in three months, and she is still not potty-trained.  Although we’re
assured by the internet “experts” that each child is different in terms of timing, it certainly seems like our child is the last one on the proverbial block to get rid of those diapers.  All the kids at daycare – even those several months younger than my girl – are potty trained.  What is the holdup?

It appears as though she’s got a psychological block.  A few months ago, as we were getting ready
for bath, I was busy with her sister and heard a blood-curdling scream from across the room.  It was the kind of scream that makes your heart jump up into your throat and propels your body like
a marionette forward toward danger because obviously, your child is being mauled by a hungry lion.  My daughter was standing, pants and pull-up down to her ankles, in front of her potty, with the
evidence of her first-ever potty attempt dripping down her legs, down the potty, on the floor – everywhere but in the potty itself.  So it seems that her first attempt was not what she expected (“Pee-pee!  It came
out!”) and she definitely does not want a repeat performance.

So we wait.  The “experts” say that parents can’t force the issue; that we have to be patient
and wait ‘til she’s ready.  Whatever that means.  I picture her one day calmly taking me by the hand, leading me into the bathroom, pointing at the potty, and saying (with a British accent – I’m not sure why it’s with a British accent but in my head it really is), “Mother, I believe I am ready to try this pee-peeing on the
potty business I’ve been hearing so much about.  I’m not sure what all the fuss is but I’ve heard that it’s jolly good fun!”   And in my head, that will be that.  She will be ready.